I just finished reading "Drink" by Ann Dowsett Johnston. I am 47 years of age. I am attempting to place on my normal perky, jovial face for the world but inside I am a total mix up.
While I have known for quite a while that I have issues with liquor, this book made me go up against them. however strangely support me to acknowledge I am not the only one. I found myself troubled coping with many issues in my life'. I tend to seek comfort by abusing a usage of alcohol, thus you can assume that my alcoholic addiction didn't caused by genetics or lack of self control, it was caused by myself consciously. Life was too harsh for me, specifically the part of growing up - I was unpopular at my age, my dad was a serial cheater, even my mother had low self esteem issue because she was overweight at that time, I got no one to look after me except myself. My life eventually made me an independent person.
This might sound strange, but during my high school days, alcohol never appealed to me. In any case, I went to college at a prestigious school which prided itself on its academics....and understudies prided themselves on their capacity to party. My varsity days mark the commencement of my drinking habits and misdemeanour with the common negative outcomes notorious with severe alcohol use such as improper conducts, headaches, vomiting and loss of consciousness.
I discovered the only manner for a fat girl to have a sexual intercourse was to be drunk with equally as drunk boys.
I woke up one morning, stripped in bed with some person in a fraternity house in Montreal..... I recollect and it is really a ponder I didn't get truly harmed, wind up in a doctor's facility or plastered tank or pregnant.
With time, I earned a degree and even went further while my love life wasn't left behind. We saw each other often and during such occasions wine was always present while I also got myself a bottle every week.
Fast forward'marriage, .two pregnancies, both during which I totally refrained, and did not miss it. As I got older, the stress of taking care of my parents and my sick child while dealing with my partner's lack of interest and poor temperament altered my ritual of having wine leisurely to a more frequent consumption.
My husband got hooked on a local "brew-your-own" so we had cases and cases of wine'..and shortly a nightly custom to crack one or two'..Privately, I started combining my personal cocktails and having the glass concealed in my baking cupboard.
Immediately I arrived home - and encounter the household disorder, getting supper, attempting to receive ADHD boy to pay attention on homework while prying the other person off his iPod'.. I can just think about combining that drink'..which I keep filling again till finally I become asleep or faint. In the mornings, first thing I carry out is examine my I-phone to observe whom I may have unknowingly texted while drunk.
Strangely, it doesn't end there for a couple of years back I got entangled in an extramarital affair with a family friend. The affair never proceeded to sexual interaction (except for a few hugs and standing beside each other at sporting events) but if any of you have learnt about (or undergone) an emotional affair, the effect can be just as dramatic and powerful, if not more so than a sexual relationship. I was very happy - each time my phone pointed out a message...oh the rush of emotions. On many occasions, we chatted late into the night, at times in the midnight, when we were at work.
I was more jovial than I had ever been. The affair was getting dangerously near to crossing over the sexual line and he retreated. I was emotionally wounded and desolate, so my use of alcohol grew.
My cocktails comforted me they assisted the infliction.
I am so embarrassed as view back over my life. The drunken episodes:
Being Completely hammered last Christmas at a cocktail party
Blind drunk at my sister's 50th birthday
Fulminating messages on my iPhone
Creating a scene in the presence of my children.
Punching my better half in the face
Making a tantrum when my child brought his friend to spend the night which basically is a none issue.
I am in guidance which has been an epiphany'..plus studying Ann's book and now detecting this site and studying alike narratives. Frankly, I perceive my redemption is near.